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Nobody's in the Room

by Joey Small

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1.
I'm not hungry I'm not falling For the idea as a result of my actions I can change My surroundings Are unchanging And unflinching, I lean towards The wind, as it carries me But music is so lonely now I'm not hungry As I'm falling The past me I hope he was right, floating by the cliffside Echoing complaints of seclusion As I elude, what I occlude soothes you For what do I peruse these nude truths? Tt doesn't behoove me To spill my organ Mine not yours But eat up my hors d'oeuvres Used to bring us so much closer Now, creates confusion Now music is seclusion Each minute that I spend Writing these thoughts down, playing this right now Lost to those around me, likely they lack the time to see But right below me I see leaves over a tree It fades A vast sandstone desert opens before my eyes The wind opens, my cheeks wide, The child in me dies, and I cut my hair Change my dress, address myself as Mr. and forget the rest The name is obfuscation, this is a mess Vestigial lies my musicality Cancerous is normality An infrared catastrophe Cause music is so lonely now Wanna keep it around but I don't know how What used to be cause for connection is my hiding place With every hour spent I see a friend it could erase So music is too lonely now Maybe I've finally lost my touch. It's too much (Music is lonely) I won't make the time for deeper truths I won't make the time to relive my youth I won't make the time to dig up the past I won't make the time so I will start last I don't have time to tincture up my new sound I don't have the time to finally change my pronouns I don't have the time for my all my best laid plans I don't want to make music any more.
2.
3.
Greetings Welcome to the simulation Of a lifetime Make every choice Live out every option And revert to a past save Be your own hero Welcome to the simulation
4.
I don't know you You could be perfect I don't know you You could still be perfect I don't know you Isn't that sweet? I don't know you But I know I love your poetry I don't know you At least not much at all I don't know you Maybe I saw you around for one fall I don't know you If I went to that Dad Culture show Maybe I'd know you But that was over four years ago I don't know you But I like your poetry We like each other's posts I think that's good enough for me I don't know you You fill me with hope Ignorant, empty hope You fill me with real hope
5.
6.
I'll be scared for the rest of my life I'll be scared until I die Why don't they like me?!?!? I scream proudly over the mountaintop, "These aren't my people!!!" Did they hear me? It was up to them to change my mind! Now I call from behind I didn't go to class the other day My professor thought I was angry at him But I was just sleeping I'll be scared until I die For the rest of my life I'll be scared until I die Everyone is over it They know I fetishize my suffering Struggling, in class my mind buffering Huddling around for warmth I'm on the outside as my teeth chatter Unpleasant noise, the loudest in the room I don't command an audience Not anymore Not the way I used to, Not since I became the boy Who's always sorry for himself The least attractive thing to do would be to try to help If you like this Darling, if you like this You might be a bigger failure than I I'll be scared until I die All my life I'll be scared until I die
7.
This is a time capsule to my true love The one that I always was thinking of Oh sorry, let me put on my mask *I hit my tuner by mistake* Now that I feel better Now that I feel better Do you want to be my one and only true love? Fu-... *I did it again! >:(* Do you ever think of me? I think you do. But do you ever think of me? Do you think of who I was Before I met you, dear? Every sad, bad thing I do Is part of a time capsule story for my true love. Time capsule for my true love... Time capsule, It's a time capsule for you. Everything I do is a time capsule. Everything I do is a time capsule for you. Everything I do is a time capsule. Everything I do is a time capsule for you. My life will only start with you. My life starts when I meet you.
8.
I'm not hungry Metaphorically But my appetite for food is up I gained a lot of weight Your failure makes mine easier to take But makes my success all the sweeter I still got it I wanted to make a band But I have no friends for which to build something meaningful with I wanted to make a band I still want to make a band You've been a great audience!! Except there's no audience at all!!!!?!!?!! I'm alone in the sunroom of the house that I don't pay nearly enough for A lot of my friends Not close friends but friends that I've made here Pay almost twice for something not nearly as good I'm so lucky to have this room all to myself Most of the time It gets pretty cold over the winter but we have space heaters for that, you know? I'll probably {redacted} songs after I've had time to actually practice them and rehearse them And not just write them And don't need to read the lyrics off my phone that's on a fuckin' mic stand right next to me that has a microphone on it But it's not recording Wouldn't it be crazy if it was? That's probably not funny to you if you're not in the room And nobody's in the room I wish somebody was in the room that I could play off of I'll be happy again I always have been I can be happy again But I'm not happy right now I wouldn't be happy feeling how I feel right now for the rest of my life No I wouldn't. I wouldn't feel happy with that I wouldn't feel happy with that Life is just a few rounds of brief respite from feeling the way I feel right now Hope I get another one Hope there's another one out there for me Another respite from business as usual It's like my dad said "Survival is always positive."

about

Joey gets a band together and plays a live show in his house to an audience of adoring fans.

credits

released April 2, 2021

All songs written and performed by Joey Small during the month of February, 2021.
Additional Vocals from Ned Greenough (Track 2), Andrew Katzman (Track 2), and my housemates (Track 5)
Album Art by Joey Small & Casey Stone

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Joey Small Iowa City, Iowa

Welcome to the Joey Small™ vault, containing some of what I released under this name.

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