Hi, if you are one of the few
That I let be close to me feel free to use
This as a reason i act so unusual
But it's not an excuse

I'm eating Bean Boozled all alone in my room
Sad cause I can't master this, don't have enough headroom
I don't have enough friends with whom to fill my XCom army
I was making meets end right before you saw me

The best cross country runner on the C Team
Haven't got spoke to since he was but a wee teen
Tire, no spokes, hope my folks skip this meme
Here's a bomb song about eating sad jelly beans

Let me tell you a story
Heed the words I say
I had my hand on the beans
That one so-fateful day

I was stuck all alone in my bedroom
Haven't seen anyone else since it hit noon
Then I saw a pack of jelly beans and didn't think twice
I don't need to feel good, they don't need to taste nice

Have you ever heard something so sad?
A party snack who's purpose is to taste bad
Being eaten by a boy at the day's end.
Enjoyed like the boy had no friends

Other than at parties, they had no use
Something like a drinking game, but minus the booze
And minus the abuse, but somehow worse
To the boy who always felt under-rehearsed

For the party tonight, and those leading up to it
Those that follow and those who discovered it
Couldn't express their worry, they didn't utter it
Left on his own, so he didn't unclutter shit

Waiting for a hero that could take him out
Not of this world, but of what it was about
At least to him, man this boy's no keeper
For an introvert, he sure looks like a peeper

Hello, if you still made it this far
I'd like you to know that you might be alarmed
If you keep on listening to this from here
'cause what follows this is not meant for your ear

I'm getting my bean boozled all alone in my room
Sad cause when I'm in coitus, I don't have enough headroom
I always hit dead ends, when I fill her like my XCom army
I was gunna hit send right before you saw me

The best cross country fucker the C Team
Haven't been woke since I had my last wet dream
Tire, no spokes, hope my folks skip this meme
Here's a bomb song about eating sad jelly beans

Let me tell you a story
This is what I have to say
I have my hand on my bean
It feels right in every way

I was walking through the union looking at my phone
Avoiding the tabling, trying to stay alone
Try to visit the school site, starts with a p
And I type in pornhub with my muscle memory

I'm just hanging out with my main girl Riley
If that's too much, take a break with Kylie
Thank you Daily Mail, it's all your good for
Soft-core, slightly boring beach contours

Then I kick it with miss Malkova
Into a lot, but not piss, that's over
It's too samey, I get annoyed
But I can always fall back to Arwin Datnoid

I see all people as people
But on my phone screen we just can not be equal
There's no sentience behind the pixels
They're just models giving other models kisses

They're just objects except when they're not
To their friends a soul, to the rest, just hot
And maybe I should look into what that could mean
But honestly, I'm too busy boozling my bean