1. |
School Raps Made Me
01:56
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I've been on this shit since sorbet was sore-bet
Stopped my boycott of oy vey and orbit
Bubblegum, I double drum, you double dumb if you believe
All this came straight from the dome just like band geeks
Makin' raps has been happening since freshman year
The passion for it, headlights, and me, the deer
I'll write a banger parody about Sir Newton's laws
From no one to a god's son, but with a cause
These school raps, i spit fast, and make that massive
These school raps, I spit facts, now that's scholastic
The school raps made me and that's the truth
Turned my desk and bedroom into a booth
Was written in the books, but I could have never known
I'd go from Wrecking Cats to now full grown
But never reaching that, trying not to hit the bottle
But go Quetzaquatal when I don't want them to see me wobble
On the announcements, spittin' that slick shit
Go to the musical, join band, got that big dick energy
I got over a thousand on that ECON
And now I'm trying to get better, but not through RECON
Not top 5 rappers, but maybe the top 1000
Prolly top 100 to come from suburban houses
I could make the world's best mixtape for FAWM
but I'd still be known as that guy who did that Friend Crush song
It's all love, and honestly I can't blame you
That's a call forward, if you know you knew
Raps Over Games
Raps Over Games
Play more games
Relax
Leisure activities are in fact good for you and your mental health
Raps Over Games
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2. |
The Shoe That Fits™
03:12
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Hello!
Have you ever been having protected sex
And thought "what if this experience was tailored to my one true unique pecker?"
Well now it can be
It's the new custom condom company, The Shoe That Fits
For a small fee, you get a custom hat for your D
Go online, to The Shoe That Fits "dot com"
Design the protection that you'll use when you feel like a CD-ROM
We got all colors, shapes, flavors, and sizes
A miracle mile of massive to tiny prick houses
Even upload your own company logo
Pass 'em out at your business lunch, yes homo
Don't you know bro? This Co, is so, ahead of the time
Even my rhymes can't keep up, now they're falling behind
If you are falling in behinds, you best not be daft
Wear a rubber with Mike Pence's face on the shaft
Land lubbers and band clubbers, we gotcho back
We even have a product for those who don't have a sack
Come one, come all, no matter what we'll fit em
It's the Vistaprint for your dick, let's get em
The Shoe That Fits
Except it's a shoe for your dick
Fitted to your measurements
The Shoe That Fits
Everyone could use something like this
So check us out, I insist
HEY TOM
uh hey man
DO YOU OFTEN HAVE SEX WHILE WEARING A CONDOM, AND WISH THAT YOU COULD OWN CONDOMS THAT PERFECTLY EXPRESS YOUR PERSONALITY AND ARE PERSONALLY FITTED TO YOUR PEEN"
what do you mean?
ITS THE SHOE THAT FITS
We got a designing page on our site
Even send you a sample to make sure it feels right
And if you're feeling like you need to breath
We also have internals that can fit in between
We have EVERYTHING that you could EVER WANT
Use ANY IMAGE or ANY FONT
Even dip it fondue, I wouldn't but do you
I wouldn't do you if you weren't wearing our condoms
They start at a simple 5 dollars a piece
If you order more than ten, you can get em for three
We supply the Boris's Johnson for top dolla
They're perfect inside an orifice or a piñata
When shit is getting hotta, and your partner is botha'd
By boring old plain-colored lame cock collars
Get yourself a custom contraceptive, knowledge is power
And knowledge is a weapon hope that you all learned your lesson
Custom hats for your dick
Yeah thats right, it's the shit
We got the studs, got the ribbs
I don't know what that is (but we got the)
Hats for your dick
Yeah, you know what it is
It's The Shoe That Fits, our new business
Hey Tom, do you have questions?
*something about self-defense condoms, idk*
The Shoe That Fits
Except it's a shoe for your dick
Fitted to your measurements
The Shoe That Fits
Everyone could use something like this
So check us out, we insist
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3. |
Chicken's Cheap
01:53
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Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
First off, thanks, for bringin me on this cruise
A lot of touristy attractions for me to abuse
But when I get back on the ship, I gotta deal with your
Bougie lip, and chief this ain't it
"Have you ever had meat cooked like this" no
I'm more used to chicken "well chicken's cheap so"
The whole table felt silent, wohh.
I honestly prefer the food when I'm at home
I don't want your steak, I'll eat chicken alone
So you think you're better than my family
'cause you can eat red meat so commonly
Just 'cause your little job pays more?
my parents find more meaning in me than everything you live for
You make dinner and I'll do your dishes
Yeah, chicken's cheap but to me, worth more than your existence
It's really cute that you condescend to us because we're too busy being important and active members of our community to have the time or funds necessary to regularly make psuedo-gourmet-quality meals, being that you just work your overpayed 9-5 then blow all your extra money and time on useless, self-serving luxury.
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Chicken's Cheap
Chicken's cheepcheepcheep
Everyone seems to think their mom just has to be
The most hard-working, but without hyperbole
Mine's gotta be in the top 10th percentile
The cream of the crop in the parental file
Who are you but a curse?
To the daughter of the man you married and brought out his worst
You're no mother like mine and I hope that hurts
Everybody knows that she's the calcium
She works to the bone, not to get ad nauseam
but you don't see that I don't need condolence
The best you could ever be's like her but boneless
So this one goes out to you, Mom
Keeping the house and it's residents on
The highest moral fortitude and wanting to live long
Oh and sorry that you had to hear that last song
Thank you, Mom.
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4. |
BeanBoozled
04:33
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Hi, if you are one of the few
That I let be close to me feel free to use
This as a reason i act so unusual
But it's not an excuse
I'm eating Bean Boozled all alone in my room
Sad cause I can't master this, don't have enough headroom
I don't have enough friends with whom to fill my XCom army
I was making meets end right before you saw me
The best cross country runner on the C Team
Haven't got spoke to since he was but a wee teen
Tire, no spokes, hope my folks skip this meme
Here's a bomb song about eating sad jelly beans
Let me tell you a story
Heed the words I say
I had my hand on the beans
That one so-fateful day
I was stuck all alone in my bedroom
Haven't seen anyone else since it hit noon
Then I saw a pack of jelly beans and didn't think twice
I don't need to feel good, they don't need to taste nice
Have you ever heard something so sad?
A party snack who's purpose is to taste bad
Being eaten by a boy at the day's end.
Enjoyed like the boy had no friends
Other than at parties, they had no use
Something like a drinking game, but minus the booze
And minus the abuse, but somehow worse
To the boy who always felt under-rehearsed
For the party tonight, and those leading up to it
Those that follow and those who discovered it
Couldn't express their worry, they didn't utter it
Left on his own, so he didn't unclutter shit
Waiting for a hero that could take him out
Not of this world, but of what it was about
At least to him, man this boy's no keeper
For an introvert, he sure looks like a peeper
Hello, if you still made it this far
I'd like you to know that you might be alarmed
If you keep on listening to this from here
'cause what follows this is not meant for your ear
I'm getting my bean boozled all alone in my room
Sad cause when I'm in coitus, I don't have enough headroom
I always hit dead ends, when I fill her like my XCom army
I was gunna hit send right before you saw me
The best cross country fucker the C Team
Haven't been woke since I had my last wet dream
Tire, no spokes, hope my folks skip this meme
Here's a bomb song about eating sad jelly beans
Let me tell you a story
This is what I have to say
I have my hand on my bean
It feels right in every way
I was walking through the union looking at my phone
Avoiding the tabling, trying to stay alone
Try to visit the school site, starts with a p
And I type in pornhub with my muscle memory
I'm just hanging out with my main girl Riley
If that's too much, take a break with Kylie
Thank you Daily Mail, it's all your good for
Soft-core, slightly boring beach contours
Then I kick it with miss Malkova
Into a lot, but not piss, that's over
It's too samey, I get annoyed
But I can always fall back to Arwin Datnoid
I see all people as people
But on my phone screen we just can not be equal
There's no sentience behind the pixels
They're just models giving other models kisses
They're just objects except when they're not
To their friends a soul, to the rest, just hot
And maybe I should look into what that could mean
But honestly, I'm too busy boozling my bean
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5. |
@ThingsProved
06:47
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6. |
Daisy Chain
02:42
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Hi there, what's up, my name's Alex
The great-est things in the world have no malice
And I heard that you are new to college
So if you need some new friends here's some knowledge
Join an organization where you pay to play
Make sure you show up when it's bid day
I swear, here we're all one in the same
All you need to do is play some party games
Like get down on all fours for the frat boys
Bark like a dog until you feel like a frat toy
And who could forget, clean the throw-up bucket
And don't you dare speak about this in public
Yeah! No food until you finish the whole stack
Drink until you forget what you now lack
We'll drive you miles away
And you'll have to find your way back
Here's a story but I can only tell you a bit
A college group who was into some really fucked up shit
I wrote a post about it, yeah I tried to make it big
So I shared it to a local comedy Facebook page
Fuck you, Overheard @ SUNY Potsdam
Posted my shit, then got banned, god damn!
Messaged the admins like "what the hell?"
And received the well-thought-out response of
"Well, there's zero tolerance for not following the rules. That post doesn't belong. End of story"
*Laughter*
Wow we got a big boy over here
Big dick, big important man
This guy knows that the sanctity of a meme Facebook group based out of a small public school in the north country is more important than protecting countless people from the life-ruining effects of hazing
Fuck you
This whole thing is fucking absurd
If you're out there, I hope you hear every word
And let it sink down deeply into your core
Maybe reach the old you that doesn't come out any more
Maybe she died after they courted her
The ghost of whom looms over us like an orbiter
After all the shit that she went through? She lost us too
I'm sure that I must have made her feel used
They're not all out here causing welts
But you'll ruin the whole thing for everyone else
A mafia that the school gives a house to
Can't speak out unless you want them to harm you
Pay to get in, pay to get out
With loosing all your friends to the blacklist, shout
To the heavens if you're a victim because you're worth that
Fuck your sisters, take a friend over herd chat
If you're not allowed to speak to others about what happens in your organization, leave.
When my relationship ended, I was feeling hindered
So I downloaded this app called tinder
For love or sex, I didn't really intend
Honestly I downloaded it to make some friends
Alright, you all heard this story
Pretty soon he'll be busy whoring out
But everyone was way too boring
No connection like the Wi-Fi is snoring
But that said, I did meet a couple cool girls
Ones who could be friends, but not in this world
Because when I signed in this one time
I got an error message that would then define
My experience, I called support
Turned out there must have been some mass report
Ohh
It's the sorority.
Because I went to the school, and gave 'em evidence
Now your whole system's broke no remnants
And if you're in it, you'll know that it's deranged
When I say they got you tied down with a daisy chain
And guess what, that's not even the fun kind
Hard to feel sorry for them when they got a dumb mind
You're walking on eggshells, not talking kinder
Hope it cracks when I start yellin' tinber
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7. |
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This one goes out to the rationals, the skeptics, the centrists
All you internet warriors
In the fuckin... culture war?
Yeah show those SJWs who's boss, huh?
You're a smart boy huh?
Yeah you know everything you need to
Eyy, I heard that you like facts
Over feelings, but the arguments you're dealing are wack
And I wonder if these facts follow you in your dreams
Just like AOC in all your fantasies
Got your own dictionary, with the words you don't like
Torn out, so entitled to being right by virtue
Of being you, you believe it and I don't know how
*Basically anti-fascism is fascism now*
I know you think biology's the nature of the pronoun
But just because you say it doesn't mean that it is profound
Nor does it make it true, dude there's whole fields of study
That contradict what you say, oh but I thought that truth was your buddy
Which is sad, 'cause I know you don't have any other
You're wife's a doctor but it's clear you want another lover
That congresswoman won't sleep with you, no matter what you call her
We don't even need to debate, you could get beat by Google scholar
If you are going to dictate to me that Benjamin's are Ben's and Ben's are Benjamin's, then my answer is no.
If I call you a moose, are you suddenly a moose?
The name on your birth certificate is Benjamin
To assert that I should be forced to entertain your delusions that your name is Ben is honestly discusting and is a sign of the fall of the west
Its funny how you conflate sex and gender
A rate of speech like you're on an Adderall bender
Where in the name Boy Scouts is biological
That straw-person must be diabolical
Alright that was fun but I gotta take a break
Destroying the reactionaries has got my brain baked
I got a secret weapon with more notoriety and fame
Uhh what's their name?
It's Thom Avella, I am hella
What? Uh, internet fella
I have have a YouTube channel
Um, please subscribe
Anyway, I'm also on the Twitter
Not by choice, yeah I'm kinda bitter
But where else would I go
To argue with fascists and tankies about those fuckin' liberals
Not owned, not owned like a corn cob
A free-thinker in an internet hate mob
Big dick special big boy energy
But you'll need more than *a surprising lack of scientific, anthropological, and sociological evidence* to get to me
See the reason I have to mention
Got the invisible hand on your erection
In other words Atlas Shrugged on your hard-on
Luckily this is under one Sargon
Hi, this is Thom Avella and today I'm gonna do an impression of Paul Joseph Watson.
"If this beta orbiter soyboy expects me to listen to his 'mixtape' where he mumbles incoherantly over a bunch of music he didn't even write, then imagine my shock"
Alright guys, thanks for watching my video. I'll see you in 3 months. Stay legend.
The fact that you have fans? A disgrace
Their brains must be smaller than Charlie Kirk's face
To consider your faults, you'd never be so darin'
More easily offended than Tomi Lahren
You wear a smirk like your philosophy won't die though
You'll all fall off the face of the cake with the haste of Milo
I'm getting my bean boozled, and what do you know
I look down and my dick is taller than Ben Shapiro
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8. |
Like for TBH
03:50
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Like for TBH
I'm feeling bored and I hope you don't see the bate
I really just wanna say that I don't know you but I want to
You seem chill, we should talk more, impromptu
I want YOU, to like my status
But now we're all just laugh reacts behind the lattice
I miss the days when honesty was just to ask permission
But I don't miss that this honesty was always works of fiction
The mission, the fission of my friends and I's been great for me
But I don't make time to communicate effectively
How much they mean to me and where I wouldn't be if not for them
If not for family and everyone that I come in contact with
But I'm too busy making art and pulling up my demons
Frick that excuse, I'll use my art as a lead-in
For non-fiction honesty, but I can only hit some of ya
Here's a TBH, thanks for making my life great, humina humina humina
Okay, before I get into this, I would like to remind all of you that the live action Cat in the Hat film is actually really good and you are all wrong. Your sins will not be forgiven.
Okay, back to the song
TBH I wouldn't be here if not for you
To the Black T-Shirts and Main Street Lights too
TBH your residence across the street
Keeps my morale high and the ground under my feet
TBH when I needed someone you were there
We got pizza and it wasn't just my burden to bear
TBH sometimes you frustrate me a bit
But you're gonna do great once you find a shoe that fits
TBH members of the club who's meetings I lead
I hope you go mad-sonic don't stop godspeed
TBH my favorite part of your body is your ears
I could have been the bad guy but you dispelled my greatest fears
To be honest, I wish that you lived closer to me
You might be my manager but you can't make me play Toxicity
To be honest, even though I know you don't like needles
I'll still visit you and your kids, I love all of you people
To be honest you better fuckin' make her happy
Cuz if you don't, you and me, we're gonna have to get scrappy
To be honest that probably won't happen.
Hm.
TBH if you're my mother it all starts with you
Keeping me honest with communication up the wazoo
TBH, Dad, had we had, less time together
I'd be worse off, I know it can hurt, we're untethered but I'm here
TBH, oldest young bro, I hope that you know
You're close to me so, I'll stick around regardless of the shitshow
TBH, other brother, from the same mother, I'm seeing the cracks form
But it's okay 'cause you can always come to me for help
TBH, can't read key pages from the big book
But yet, I remain loved by my two siblings who still look
Up to me, regardless of whether or not I'm deserving
So when I make public decisions it's always unnerving
But it's inspiring and so's the way that both of you support me
Speaking of, like my parents is how I purport to be
Like, but not in every way, worth a million letters
You bring so much good to the world and you raised me to do even better
so
Thank you.
Thank you
Thank you so much
For everything you do for me
I love so much.
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Joey Small Iowa City, Iowa
Welcome to the Joey Small™ vault, containing some of what I released under this name.
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